@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
