You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
