I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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