The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
