So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
