first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
fuck your aforementioned shoe
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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