I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
