I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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