Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
