My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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