Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
