ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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