why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
