i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
