your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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