Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
