My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Drake has all the answers
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
