haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
