I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize