I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
