shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
