a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
