i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
