I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
sex in a hospital.. check
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
