This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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