It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Houston, we have a squirter
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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