I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
