There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
