Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
