you told grandpa to call you daddy
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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