u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
