So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
