she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
