God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
