Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize