The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
