Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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