I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I could fuck to npr.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
