Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
