so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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