just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
