I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
