omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are your genitals available?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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