Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Randomize
