I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She announced her abortion via fbk
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
