I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
