If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
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