Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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