I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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