Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
