Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
