I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
