i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
