i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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