I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
