she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
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Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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