i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
