I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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