i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You can't motorboat a personality
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
