He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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