Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
