So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
