U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
