Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
