You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
