3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
