I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
