Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
