There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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